So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
