i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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