oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
