Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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