Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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