why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
