Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
