she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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