If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
