Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
