I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
