i jhust puked up my retainher.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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