i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pants are for mortals
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize