were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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