My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
