HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER