Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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