He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
