come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up