Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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