so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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