She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
