Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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