Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
