i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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