He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
