Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
