let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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