I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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