he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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