Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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