part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
