i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
