I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
