She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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