Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
