Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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