recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
