he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
