i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
