that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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