yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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