Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
