I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
