Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this boner is exhausting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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