I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
