Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
