Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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