he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
3 2 1 whiskey
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
