just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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