Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
