I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
only if we run a train.
done.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
