My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
