So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Maybe he injected his testicle?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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