i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
