I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
