you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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