he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
