He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
