I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
