I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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