I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
