SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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