I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
