a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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