I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
