Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
